Isn’t Fertilizer Made of Doo?

23 03 2008

So I know I said I would do something interesting for a workout today, but the thing about me is, sometimes I lie. Ok, i don’t really lie, because when I say something I have every intention of doing but then when it comes time to, I just don’t want to.

Today wasn’t really my fault, however. When you offer to ride with your dad to visit your mother in the hospital, and said dad drives 3 miles an hour while taking the scenic route (I’ve loathed those words since childhood) that 20 minute ride turns into a 3 hour nightmare.  After, that I did my cheapo shopping trip to Big Lots, a.k.a. discount grocery heaven on earth, and by the time I got home, the pooch had been cooped up all day and needed a run. So we just took a liesurely walk in this gorgeous weather and went to the high school near my home. They have a nice fenced in side yard, where I can let Porkchop off the leash without worrying about him running away and humping passersby.

Well, as seems to be the theme for the day, things became more difficult than originally planned. There was a woman already their with her perfectly well behaved dog playing fetch, so I decided to continue my walk with my hellion and would return on the way back, hoping they wouldn’t be there. 

As we walked I passed my dream house.



The pictures don’t really do it justice, its about twice as big as it looks.

I wonder if a single man lives there and has a thing for sarcastic golddiggers with boyfriends. I desperately hope he saw me, too. It would be very American Beauty, me standing there taking pictures of him in his house.  I even brought the most beautiful thing in the world, except it was full of dog shit.

 Anyways, as I was killing time I got completely and utterly lost, which when you are walking is WAY more annoying than when you are driving. Truth be told, I think the key to a good cardio workout is a horrible sense of direction. I do this very often. I  should develope a workout DVD based around that and make millions. So as I tried to get my barings, Porkchop decided to get bubble guts and stop every 5 seconds to go to the bathroom. Nothing would come out so I’d just yank him along.  I had my ipod in, so I didn’t hear the angry footsteps of a homeowner. I got a tap on the shoulder, whirled around and was face to face with a man yelling about respect and personal property and the laws of humantiy. I gathered he thought Porkchop had pooped in his yard and I did not clean it up.  I am very good about picking up his mess if I think people are watching  so I knew he was assuming. I calmly tried to explain to him that Porkchop is sick and while it might have looked like he went on his lawn, I could assure him he did not. He was not convinced and continued to yell, so I opened the bag I had in my hand and invited him to take a whiff to prove I was dilligent about the dog. He declined and turned around and left. Douche.

So we eventually made it back to the school, and the woman was gone.  Excited that we made it to our final destination, I let Porkchop off the leash to run his little heart out. He promptly sat down on my foot and would not move. I put his leash on and ended up just running him around in circles like an idiot. It gave me a little extra cardio but stole a bit of my self respect.

So now I am home and starving. I am off to make dinner now, and get ready for the boy’s show tonight. Truth be told I’d rather just stay home tonight, but the life of a groupie is full of sacrifice.




7 responses

23 03 2008

You are hilarious! Found your blog through Kath’s.

23 03 2008

There is a house a few miles from mine, my husband loves, that looks JUST like that. So funny. Love the blog, btw!

23 03 2008

Uh oh, it better not be the same house. i’ll fight him for it.

23 03 2008

oooooh. I need to head back and find out where you live—if you say—that’s an amazing house.

MizFit, who is off to hula hoop with toddler in the name of fitness.

23 03 2008

This is HILARIOUS…completely made my morning 🙂 thanks and i hope you have wonderful Easter!!!

23 03 2008

hhahaa this was a great story. I love how you talked to that guy! hahaha. love it!!

23 03 2008

Hula Hooping- the poor girl’s tummy tuck.
Fantastic workout, have fun!

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