I Will Actually Be Spring Cleaning

29 03 2008

Work this morning was actually really fun. I usually dont work saturdays, but offered to to give the guys that do a break, so I worked with clients i usually dont work with. I tend to have a lot of older women on my regular shift with a lot of injuries and a lower experience level. Saturday mornings are for heavy hitters and it was a blast. i love my regular clients but I love to also just kick people’s asses and have them love it. It gives me more to do, too. My favorite exercises to do with more advanced clients is I stand up on a block in front of them with a medince ball up over my head. I  have them do squats and tap the bench with their butt then jump up in the air and push the medicine ball as hard as they can. They are always tenative at first but if you keep yelling at them they get mad and really try and shove you off. And then you laugh when they cant. If i did that with my regular clients they would start crying and we would have to have a heart to heart and discuss self esteem and feelings.  
Last night the boy and I went to Talarico’s, famous for their 14″ slices of pizza. Or you can get a whole pizza, 28″ for around 30 bucks. Its ridiculously huge. The boy got a pint of PBR and a giant slice of pizza. I got an Ami’s Fresca (vodka, lemon, lime, grapefruit juice and 7-up) and an arugala and roasted eggplant salad with leeks and basalmic dressing. You can tell who’s the classy one. it was just ok. The drink was good though. it tasted just like a friend of mine’s own creation, Drunk in a Cup, but cost about 8 times more. Last summer a bunch of us went to her cabin for the weekend and we lived off drunk in a cup, doritos, and hot links. That was Friday. Saturday, none of us could move. Good Times.
Today is the big cleaning party to help Jerome and his roomates get the place ready to give back to the landlord. It’ll be the 3 boys and me and a girlfriend, who is dating one of the roomates. That sounds like a episode of Degrassi. (They are making a movie! Any one know what i am talking about….?) Anywhoo, our master plan is to get really drunk and then do such a terrible job that they yell at us and tell us to stop trying and they will just do it all themselves. That was how i got out of doing the dishes for my first 16 years of life. i have a feeling that will be a good workout in and of itself, but i will fit in a run later on today also. and stretching. I am so tight, no matter how much I stretch.  I know im losing flexibility because Im not doing gymnastics anymore, but Im not used to it. Its frustrating.
My dog hates me.

I didn’t know dogs could make facial expressions, let alone one’s of disgust.

I caught him secretly working out when I wasn’t supposed to be home. He’s planning his revolt.


You’re Going To Need a Permit

24 03 2008

For your guns. Ha. Sigh.

Is it just me or are there not very many fitness blogs? I can’t really find any, if you know of any, please let me know.
Good news: I found my pedometer in my car this morning. I thought i lost it while I was out on Friday (its hard to keep track of things like that at a bar when your bladder is the size of a raisin.) I had given up hope, but there it was this morning, wedged between the door.
As promised:
(I like to pretend I am English sometimes and spell things with “ou’s” or check like “cheque”)
In true me fashion, some involve other body parts as well. I also post the exercises I do, which tend to be a bit more advanced, but will offer you easier variations.
The pooch is lurking in every picture but I guess it make it more realistic as an at-home workout. i was also freezing whcih explains the scarf.
Stability Ball Dips
Works triceps, shoulders, core
Find a sturdy chair or bench. Position yourself so your hands are on the edge of the chair, and your heels are on the stability ball, toes pointing up. Keep your core tight and lower yourself towards the ground until your elbows form a 90 degree angle, then return to start.


You have to keep your core nice and tight or else the stability ball will roll out from under you. For beginners, you want to take away that instable surface, so put your feet on the floor, knees bent, but make sure your hips stay up so your body is nice and flat. For the intermediate, place your feet on another chair, legs straight.
Tricep Kickback Twists
Works triceps
* I’m using tiny 3 pound dumbbells, but I usually do these with about 8-10 lbs
Most of you probably know tricep kickbacks, but these add a little extra. Stand leaning on a sturdy surface, your core pulled in, back nice and flat. Hold a dumbell in one hand, use the other to prop yourself up. Arm should be bent at 90 degrees, elbow tucked in tight by your side.

Extend the arm, so your arm is straight; this is the typical kickback.


While your arm is extended, you want to twist the dumbell so your palm is facing down. (I didnt take a picture of this because it didn’t show up when I twisted anyway) Untwist hand back to neutral, bend arm back to starting. Next time, extend arm, but then twist so palm is facing up. These are all seperate moves so dont run them together. Extend, twist palm down, twist back to neutral, bend arm, extend, twist palm up, untwist, bend arm to starting. This is one rep. Do 10 in each side.
Prone Stability Ball Front and Lateral Raise
Works shoulders, anterior deltoids (the front part of your shoulder)
* Ditto on the dumbbells
Lay over a stability ball, feet wide apart for balance, ball on belly. Place dumbbells on floor directly under shoulders. Take your right hand and raise it directly in front of you (front raise) then bring it back to starting. Next, raise the right dumbbell out to the side (lateral raise) then back to start. Repeat with left arm. This is one rep. Do 10.



Try especially hard to not let your hips move around, or your shoulders to torque. You essentially want to be in plank position; completely static with no movement beyond your arm. For more resistance, remove stability ball.
And now featuring The Boy in:
Incline Push Ups
Works chest, biceps, triceps, shoulders
* The only way these are true incline push ups are if your feet are higher than your head. If you place your feet on a stability ball so you are perfectly horizontal, they actually end up being easier than regular pushups.
Place your feet on a chair or bench and get in push up position. Keep your core tight and and dont let your hips sag or bend in either direction, you want a nice straight body. Bend your arms and lower yourself to the ground as far as you can without having to arch your back to make sure your head doesnt hit the ground. Press back up to starting.


And there you have it. i  was going to go to the gym tonight but its so gorgeous outside, I think ill go for a run with the pooch. Maybe I’ll get a tan. Right now Im so pale it will probably just reflect off of my and start a small brush fire.

Isn’t Fertilizer Made of Doo?

23 03 2008

So I know I said I would do something interesting for a workout today, but the thing about me is, sometimes I lie. Ok, i don’t really lie, because when I say something I have every intention of doing but then when it comes time to, I just don’t want to.

Today wasn’t really my fault, however. When you offer to ride with your dad to visit your mother in the hospital, and said dad drives 3 miles an hour while taking the scenic route (I’ve loathed those words since childhood) that 20 minute ride turns into a 3 hour nightmare.  After, that I did my cheapo shopping trip to Big Lots, a.k.a. discount grocery heaven on earth, and by the time I got home, the pooch had been cooped up all day and needed a run. So we just took a liesurely walk in this gorgeous weather and went to the high school near my home. They have a nice fenced in side yard, where I can let Porkchop off the leash without worrying about him running away and humping passersby.

Well, as seems to be the theme for the day, things became more difficult than originally planned. There was a woman already their with her perfectly well behaved dog playing fetch, so I decided to continue my walk with my hellion and would return on the way back, hoping they wouldn’t be there. 

As we walked I passed my dream house.



The pictures don’t really do it justice, its about twice as big as it looks.

I wonder if a single man lives there and has a thing for sarcastic golddiggers with boyfriends. I desperately hope he saw me, too. It would be very American Beauty, me standing there taking pictures of him in his house.  I even brought the most beautiful thing in the world, except it was full of dog shit.

 Anyways, as I was killing time I got completely and utterly lost, which when you are walking is WAY more annoying than when you are driving. Truth be told, I think the key to a good cardio workout is a horrible sense of direction. I do this very often. I  should develope a workout DVD based around that and make millions. So as I tried to get my barings, Porkchop decided to get bubble guts and stop every 5 seconds to go to the bathroom. Nothing would come out so I’d just yank him along.  I had my ipod in, so I didn’t hear the angry footsteps of a homeowner. I got a tap on the shoulder, whirled around and was face to face with a man yelling about respect and personal property and the laws of humantiy. I gathered he thought Porkchop had pooped in his yard and I did not clean it up.  I am very good about picking up his mess if I think people are watching  so I knew he was assuming. I calmly tried to explain to him that Porkchop is sick and while it might have looked like he went on his lawn, I could assure him he did not. He was not convinced and continued to yell, so I opened the bag I had in my hand and invited him to take a whiff to prove I was dilligent about the dog. He declined and turned around and left. Douche.

So we eventually made it back to the school, and the woman was gone.  Excited that we made it to our final destination, I let Porkchop off the leash to run his little heart out. He promptly sat down on my foot and would not move. I put his leash on and ended up just running him around in circles like an idiot. It gave me a little extra cardio but stole a bit of my self respect.

So now I am home and starving. I am off to make dinner now, and get ready for the boy’s show tonight. Truth be told I’d rather just stay home tonight, but the life of a groupie is full of sacrifice.

Laziness is the Mother of Invention

20 03 2008

Just a reminder that trainers aren’t perfect when it comes to fitness: I CANNOT do the stairstepper. I always trip. Its one of those revolving ones and i always miss judge and clip my toes.  And you better believe people notice. Its hard for them not to because the machines are about 8 feet tall so Im up on this pedestal, stumbling away. I still do it though. I must be a glutton for public humiliation.

So i did 20 minutes on the stair thing at the gym today,  stretched then did a ton of abs and a lot of arm work with free weights. Then I went on the elliptical for about 10 minutes, some stability ball work and then went home.

So I know everyone is on this oatmeal kick (thanks Kath!) and it just so happens I need to restock my breakfast supply, so here’s my spin.

 I wake up every morning at 4:15 am.  Suffice it to say, I’m rarely in the mood, or have the time, to cook breakfast. The breakfast is even too much work for me. Oatmeal holds me over glamorously, so I needed a way to get it in unless I want lunch at 9:00 am.  I love oatmeal cookies, so i thought I’d spin that ion to something portable I could have for breakfast.

Its nothing fancy, i just make oatmeal like I normally would,  then bake it on a cookie sheet.

I use:

  • 2 cups oats
  • 1 large banana
  • 2 tbsp peanut butter
  • 1 tbsp honey

You can use anything really: apples, cinnamon, any kind of nuts, etc. I put everything in a bowl and pour boiling water from the kettle over it until it looks like enough. Sorry, i cant be more specific than that. You want the resulting oatmeal pretty dry, but still able to stay together when you mix it all up.



Then you just plop them onto a baking sheet, and put them in the oven for 30ish minutes at 350 degrees. You can fit a lot on a plan because the size they are when you put them in is the same size as they are when they come out.


And then the finished product:


You can just put them in a tupperware and eat them as you want them.

And just for fun, here’s a video of my dog, Porkchop, attacking my stability ball.  His arms do this weird T-Rex thing that gets me every time. Video featuring The Boyfriend’s Feet.